I thought I'd share some products that I fell in love with this year, some that continue to keep me in love (so worth mentioning again) and some things that I wouldn't purchase again.
Happy New Year, Everyone! Today I have some significant news to share.
On December 17, 2009, in the very early hours of the morning, I nearly bled to death. I’m afraid I’m serious ─ by the time I was admitted into hospital from the emergency room, I was down to about a quarter of the amount of blood needed to sustain life.
The irony of this situation is that I was under a doctor’s care at the time, and that’s one of the reasons that I’m going public with this today. The second reason is because since I have been off Facebook, my blogs, and other social networking sites, I’ve been getting emails from ‘fans’ asking questions such as: “Are you in rehab? You can tell me! My brother was in rehab last year at this time.” and “Did you have Demi-Moore-head-to-toe-plastic-surgery? Please post pics!”
I was inclined to let these strangers think what they would, but I’ve also been receiving messages of genuine concern, and those are why I’ve decided to write about this very personal experience publicly.
As boring as this probably makes me, a drug habit and/or a craving to own gravity-defying boobies had nothing to do with my absence from the internet. What actually happened was that on November 9, I had what should have been routine uterine fibroid surgery. I wanted to keep the knowledge of that fact limited to my family and closer circle of friends, because to me there is nothing more cringe-worthy than people announcing these things on their Facebook status updates: Jack is …”getting out of jail this week!” Jane…”’s a husband is a lousy cheat!” Patricia…”had a fibroid the size of a baseball removed from her uterus.”
Yuck.
So, I didn’t announce it, (until now) and only made vague references to “not feeling well”, and even those mentions were only because I’d missed some social and business events. However, the “not feeling well” stretched on and on, and when I questioned my doctor, he went from voicing some concern to being brusquely irritated, “You must be patient. You’re not a patient person.”
And that’s where he got me. I’ve heard that more than once. Even my own husband seconded it. So, I tried to be patient. And, as it turns out, I can be patient. Actually, I was so patient, I nearly died of it.
I’m sorry, I still squeamish about writing the specifics, but suffice it to say that I was bleeding, but in such an unusual pattern that it didn’t raise any alarm bells with the doctor. To be fair to him, the symptoms were atypical. Coupled with this detail was my enormous energy level that was only somewhat depleted by the anemia that was increasing weekly. In fact, the day before I was driven to the Emergency Room by my panicked husband, I attended a business meeting, then went to the market, and ended the day with a walk on the treadmill at my gym!
So, I can’t completely blame the doctor and others around me for missing the signs. But I do blame myself. For the reason that I knew something was wrong, and yet, I allowed myself to be talked out of that gut feeling, because an authority figure’s opinion on that was different than mine. I allowed my criticism of myself for my renowned lack of patience to cow me into accepting advice I knew I shouldn’t have accepted.
This really galls me. In the aftermath of a surgery from which I was not even remotely recovered after six weeks, followed by near-death in which I could literally feel ‘things shutting down’ on the way to the ER, a frantic blood transfusion of six units of blood, a second surgery to correct the problem that was causing the internal bleeding, and a stay in hospital that was like a Saturday Night Live skit (they actually woke me up at 2 a.m. after this ordeal to weigh me), and now looking at another few weeks before I’m able to resume all my normal activities, that one fact that I conceded precedence is what still disturbs me most about this experience. Because if I hadn’t, if I’d trusted myself, none of it would’ve occurred.
Usually, I am confident, capable, and secure in myself. In my writings, especially my political ones, I’m constantly stating how we must all think for ourselves, not cling to an ideology or allow some rhetorical speaker to do our thinking for us. And yet, it took this illness to discover that on some levels, I am still trying to be that ‘good little girl’ who is liked by everyone. Given the right circumstances, press the right buttons, and I will still defer to the instincts of others rather than my own. This was a more shocking realization than the ER doc’s words, “Wow- your blood counts are dangerously low. Lucky for you, you’re so fit. You wouldn’t have made it here otherwise.”
And now, because I’ve been so sick for so long (close to two months, now) I have to work twice as hard just to get back to that fitness level I worked so hard to attain in the first place. I also left the hospital with a cough that makes me sound like a TB victim, due to the second surgery temporarily diminishing my lungs capacity, and am short of breath just walking up a flight of stairs. I have to drink a horrid iron potion that tastes like rotted prunes and old coffee grinds. My skin feels like sandpaper, and I have been warned by my hairdresser that some of my hair might fall out due to the trauma. Pitiful, right? You bet. And stupid, too.
But I did learn some lessons, and oh, boy ─ they were big ones. And I think they might be important enough to share:
First is that this year has been an amazing year for me, and not just because it was almost my last one. I didn’t know when I first published my book that there would be a number of people who’d dislike me as a result. Never thought of that aspect of it, but there it was. So that was a lesson, if not learned for the first time, reiterated: Your true friends are the ones who stick with you not only when times are bad, but also when times for you are really, really good. A sad thing to realize, but an important thing.
On the plus side, there were yet a far greater number of people who were tremendously pleased for me and supportive of my first book. Friends I hadn’t seen in years contacted me to offer sincere congratulations, and new people I met through my writing groups, blogs, etc., were equally enthusiastic and complimentary. I feel truly blessed by this. I’ve always thought that the media overhypes the evil of humankind, and now that the average person has his/her own way of communicating globally through the internet, I find that this is true ─ humanity is mostly good, not mostly bad. It’s a shame that we only get reports about the bad from our mainstream news sources. This was a terrific thing to discover.
I also understood from being ill, that my husband and children, to borrow a phrase from Sally Field, “really do like me”. My son slept at hospital with me the first night I was there, and my husband, whose idea of cooking is to make a sandwich, delivered hot, homemade meals to my bedside every night once I got home. And then there were my friends who rallied ─ Thanksgiving dinner, two Christmas dinners, flowers, get well cards, and phone calls. Messages on Facebook and emails from my colleagues, new friends and former pupils, (who feel like nieces and nephews to me) all meant so, so much.
I’ve always valued my friends and my family, but I admit it was wonderful seeing the tangible proof that they value me, too. It was one more reason to get well, so that I could appreciate and enjoy them all the more.
But the biggest lesson I learned is from now on, with no worries about how others will feel, I’m going to embrace my impatience, rather than try to change it. It’s full speed ahead for me, now and always, because I’m made that way. And never again will I not trust myself. Never again will I feel intimidated by others’ opinions, be they valid or not. And when I find myself wavering from this resolution, I’m going to remember the bruises on my arms from IV needles, the feeling weak and dizzy, the crying as the questions ran around in my head as to why I wasn’t recovering, and all the other momentous experiences of this illness now burned in my memory. They all happened because I still haven’t completely shaken the “Good-Girls-Don’t-Make-a-Fuss Syndrome.” Screw that. From now on, I AM MAKING A FUSS. And it will be your choice to like me for it or not, however you please.
I challenge everyone reading this to do the same. If we do one thing differently this year, let’s embrace ourselves, even with all our faults. I don’t mean ‘be a sociopath and proud’. I mean that while not deliberately causing harm to others, let’s acknowledge that we will make mistakes, that we are not perfect, but we are still worthwhile human beings who have something to offer our friends, our family, and the world. Let’s acknowledge that we can and should have faith in our own selves, even with those imperfections. If we start with that attitude, the year ahead will open us to new encounters. Since we’ll feel more confident, we won’t be afraid when one of our beliefs is challenged, because if we learn that that belief is wrong, it will make us feel empowered, not weakened. We’ll have the courage to fail, not feeling that we are “failures”, but rather human beings on a journey to ever-increasing knowledge. And while none of this will necessarily make the year ahead be filled with all the health, happiness and success we all wish each other every January 1, it will certainly help it be filled with less anxiety and self-doubt.
So, look out 2010 ─
here we come!
P.S- As is the case due to VOX software problems, anyone who would like to leave a comment, can do so on my Facebook page, or on my Word Press blog. The links are: http://www.facebook.com/#/patriciaVdavis?ref=profile
and http://patriciavolonakisdavis.wordpress.com/2010/01/01/2009-the-year-that-ended-dangerously/ I'm very sorry about this continued inconvenience.Main reason I rarely post her anymore. Happy New Year, Everyone. I wish you all a wonderful year!
This is what I did for my NYE. Since I was heading to my parents and would be taking off the makeup really soon after, I didn't bother much with my look. You wouldn't guess that I was actually having the beginning of a really bad migraine.
I switched up for a different powder foundation.. So it would less ghostly. It doesn't give that flawless photofinish look that I like but it does okay for casual days.
I managed to surprise myself.. I've been stuck in a neutral rut for so long that I came to the point of hating all the neutral looks I do. BUT this one, I likey a lot! It's the right shade and tone of brown!
Things used to create this look..
- MAC paintpot in Painterly
- MAC e/s in All That Glitters
- Fyrinnae Arcane Magic e/s in Greenman's Forest
- MAC e/s in Unbasic White
- MAC technakohl eyeliner in Graphblack
Like I said, it was a really simple look. I hope you enjoyed your New Year's eve and will continue to enjoy your New Year's day! It seemed like the whole of Singapore was busy partying yesterday night. LOL! Me.. I went to bed and enjoyed a pretty good night rest. My head is still threatening to split into two.. With painkillers (loads of them), its pretty manageable now.
Hopefully 2010 would be a better year for all of us! Best wishes to you all here in Vox!
Baldy's over his stomach thing.
We're getting on the train now!
Here goes nothing. Hope I don't injure myself...
Seeyas!
HAPPY 2010!!!!!!!!!
Saying goodbye to 2009 has never been easier, this year has been a real rollercoaster ride for me. With the husband away for such a long period, I had trouble coping with a lot of things and some of them were emotional.. Now that 2010 is approaching, I hope that it would be a better year..
Personal resolutions aside (after all its personal!).. Let's talk about beauty/skincare resolutions.
One.. I hope to be kind to my skin by giving it a little more TLC which means, it's time to stock up on masks!
Two.. I hope to wear sunscreen regularly. Yes, I am still struggling with sunscreen. Being sensitive to sunscreen sucks.. However, Dr. Wu's sunscreen has been kind to me.. Hopefully it would remain so.
Three.. Buy LESS of EVERYTHING. Sounds almost impossible.. But as Frond keeps reminding me, SHOP MY STASH!
Four.. Blog more often! Or rather be much more consistent in blogging.. And for goodness sake, learn swatching! Hahaha!
Five.. Drink more water! I think this is pretty self explanatory.
That's all folks.. Hope you all have a great New Year's Eve. I'm off to spend it at my parents place.. And hopefully I would be feeling better soon.. I've got a killer headache from my neighbour's drilling and lack of sleep.
As we gear up for a new year, I've decided that change is good...
New Hair
After nearly a decade of keeping my hair rather long, the time for the yearly trim came again. I usually take off about 4 inches but this time I went with closer to eight. I have to say I'm happy with it and have received nothing but compliments. I've been asked many times over by patrons at work if I don't mind them asking how old I am because I can't possibly be old enough to be working in a bar/casino. For reference, I'm 23 and married.
New Job
I've spent my entire working life in the Food & Beverage/hospitality industry. And when the money is good, it's not too bad, but when my venue changed management at the beginning of the summer, they made some drastic changes that cut my income in half. Add to that some personality clashes with a superior's questionable style (she has many harassment complaints against her, one by me, and two sexual harassment complaints by male co-workers. She also used to party with the staff and has slept with several people still working in the building). On top of that, my sister and my husband both work there, and though we have always been open about our familial ties, the company has randomly and repeatedly questioned us through the year as if it's not okay, and after 7 failed attempts at a promotion that i am more than qualified for, it has become clear to me that they have no intention of ever allowing me to advance there. Needless to say, between the paycut and the drama and the absolute impossibility of advancement, it was time for me to leave. So I am finally leaving the casino and going to the Hershey Lodge part-time instead of full-time where I will be making more money and working fewer days alongside friends who also left the casino. It's also down the street from my house, a huge tourist destination, and i get free passes to the park and discounts at all my favorite restaurants (In Hershey, almost everything is owned by Hershey). So I get to leave the drama behind, retrieve my lost income, and work fewer days leaving me more time to pursue my artistic interests. I'm very excited about all of it, but especially about the prospect of more time to pursue my true interests. I feel like it's a huge step toward my own personal fulfillment.
New Car
I bought a new car on Halloween this year which Bob has named Shadow Walker. I loved my old car but at 16years, 200k miles, and a whole lot of money and parts later, it was time to move on to something more reliable. I'm still adjusting to the switch from manual(which i prefer) to automatic(which my husband prefers) but do love my cute lil black Saturn SC2 3-door coupe. The white sports car on the left is my old and dearly loved '93 ford probe gt and the black semi-sports car on the right is my new 2002 saturn SC2. I like low arrowhead shaped sportscars (would love a transam!) and think I did a good job of finding something that mimicked the style but that will adapt to a child if and when i have one (it's a coupe that has 3 doors instead of 2)
New Makeup
Most of my makeup is Silk Naturals and I really have nearly the entire collection. Karen has been so kind as to create the Mystery Adventure Club and I'm so excited because I'm going to get fun little packages that satisfy my color craving. I'm so excited.
I also have finally given in and am going to try my very first OCC liptars. They're expensive (IMO) so I'm starting with two. Vintage which is a deep red wine color, and clear-which is essentially a lipbase you can mix any pigment into (which I think is a good way for me to start, i'm not going to buy them all so my color mixing options would be really limited, but with a base, i can at least take my favorite pink, peach, and red pigments and turn them into lipsticks. I do wish I had more matte pigments because i prefer mattes for converting to lip colors, but it should still be a ton of fun).
I'll be stalking the mailman all week!!!
Oh yes...and...
Santa was good to me :)
Bob and I still keep our gifts relatively secret. We each make a list, buy what we're going to from the other's list usually by the end of november, then forward what's left of the list to our parents in two separate halves so neither of them gets the same list. We did exchange big gifts early. He bought me a netbook (my laptop is 5 years old and his just up and decided not to work on day in late november) and i bought him a nice wool peacoat and cashmere scarf he'd been wanting. We also buy each other 2 ornaments every year, one we exchange when we decorate the tree, and the other magically appears on xmas morning. His are always starwars and mine are always fairies. He loved them. From Bob, my BIL(secret santa), and our two sets of parents, I got to open...
-$150 in giftcards to Victoria's Secret (which became a bra, a bra/panty set, and two sweaterdresses)
-A pair of black Tom's wrap boots (This is the company that gives a pair of shoes to a needy child in a third world country for every pair bought. The general style of their shoes isn't very pretty, but I do like their boots)
-A copper necklace and a pearl bracelet I'd been wanting (Both from the animal rescue site, notice a trend in my xmas lists? lol)
-A bag of Burt's Bees assorted chapsticks. We laughed because I think there were 4-5 in there and not one of them was the original which is my favorite, but it's the gesture and i did like one- they have a passionfruit one that's exactly like the original but passionfruit flavored instead of peppermint. And I gave the pomegranate one to Bob which is his fav. (Burt's Bees is also working to save the Bees! Love companies that pass along some love)
-A fairy calendar (i get one every year) with beautiful fairy art by jessica galbreth
-Lots of Kitchen Things I needed mostly from pampered chef: A green marble rolling pin and pastry board set, cookie sheets with lids(i only had 1 small cookie sheet!), one of those giant glass measuring cups with a lid, microwaveable pots (i ruin these somehow), and a beautiful set of small bowls. Oh and my mom made all 4 of us girls(i'm 1 of 4. lol) a Rachel Ray style apron that is like an oversized teatowel with built in overmitts that tucks into your waistband.
-Hair flowers (i love to put flowers in my hair) and 2 sets of Hot Rollers, which have 4 different sizes. I've never had hotrollers and I'm loving them.
-Lots of DVDs
-Shea-infused isotoners. I love isotoners! lol
-A lot of chocolate! 1.5 lbs of chocolate silk fudge, those chocolate oranges that you smack and separate, a box of gourmet german chocolate (my fav. was marzipan filled)
Bob is one of those people who buys everything he wants so I always forbid him to buy anything from the end of september til after xmas and we try to only buy from his list. He got giftcards to Borders and Amazon.com, a fun arcade-type starwars game you just plug in to your tv, silk pants, boxers, cashmere shirt, a leather belt with a celtic buckle, cologne, cufflinks, books, DVDs, decals for his xbox360, a homemade bottle of mamajuana, Bookshelf boardgames, and lots of chocolate.
Vero Chicky & Dr. Josefina are Hitting the road ! Doing a Talk show in the car !
watch all our car shows on youtube :
I finally gotten around trying my Fyrinnae eyeshadows.. They've been lying around for a really long time (think: a month at the very least). I've been telling Frond that I really need to get my Fyrinnae samples swatched but I'm a real procrastinator.
I can't begin to describe how in love I am with the eyeshadows.. So vibrant! So pigmented! It's really LOVE at first application. The photo is taken roughly 6 hours after application..
Items used to create this look..
- MAC paintpot in Painterly
- Fryinnae Arcane Magic e/s in Avian Shapeshifter
- Fryinnae Arcane Magic e/s in Feline Familiars
- MAC e/s in All that Glitters
- MAC e/s in Unbasic White
- MAC technakohl liner in Graphblack
My mum's friend complimented my look.. She said it was better than one of my other looks. I'm looking forward to create more looks with my small teeny haul. I highly recommend those who are crazy about pigments to try this! There's really no turning back..
p.s. And yes, I've not tried the Pixie Epoxy (which was the main item in my small haul). LOL!
I remember you liked this song and played it on youtube a lot when you were here!
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