thom fleming skin care’s Neighborhood

On April 21, 2009, my grandmother passed away. She lived a long 94 years, which would have been 95 if she had made it to July 23. Her death was very sudden. Tuesday afternoon, I was at school/work and my cousin had sent me an email informing me that our grandma was in the ICU because she had pneumonia and her condition was worsening. I was shocked so I immediately started planning in my head that I would go home right away on Friday and rush to her side. That night my sister had called me and told me that she had past away earlier that day.. just a few hours after I was told she had pneumonia.. just a few fucking hours later

So I did what I always do when I feel helpless. I went into denial. I studied my ass off for an exam I had the following morning (which I ended up failing anyway) and kept myself busy for the rest of the week because any moment I allowed myself to think and feel.. I would break down.

I was very close to my grandma. She was practically a 2nd mother to me; she took care of me when my parents worked hard everyday to make ends meet. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease when I was in middle school, and the older she got, the worse her illness got, and the less she remembered. Out of 11 grandchildren, I am the youngest and the last grandchild she took care of. In the hospital she always had this doll with her that she named Che-Che, which is my nickname. I would like to believe that even though she didn't remember me in the present, she still remembered that little girl she took care of.. and now that she's in heaven, I hope she recognizes who I am now and is proud of who that little girl has become today.

Even though she is in a better place now, I still yearn for her presence every single day. Her death hit our family hard.. she was the core, strength, and foundation of our family; she kept us all together.. and I still can't believe that she is gone.

the best advice I've received thus far... "hang in there because it only gets worse". it's true.I feel so many things.. so many emotions that I don't think I've ever felt to this extremity before in my entire life. I'm angry because life goes on even though I don't want it to... I want life to just stop for a second and let me heal... give me time to deal with this... but it hasn't stopped and it won't; I hate logging into facebook, myspace, and twitter and seeing everyone's statuses... it's all a bitter reminder that life goes on with or without you and apparently, nobody else gives a fuck if it goes on without you. I'm so angry with myself for making more time and effort to hang out with my friends than to visit my own grandma... even now I still can't muster up the desire to go out and see friends and have fun without feeling guilty. I'm angry that I didn't visit her more often in the city... how was I able to go to the city to galavant so many times and not even think about visiting my grandmother? I feel so guilty for not wanting to see her more often. I feel selfish for not visiting her more often just because it hurt me that she didn't remember who I was. I feel selfish for wanting her presence back, even though she's in a better place with no pain or suffering. I'm angry at myself that the last time I saw her was on December 22, 2008... how did I let 4 months pass without seeing her at all? I'm angry at the world that I wasn't able to see her one last time. She took care of me when I was younger and I hate myself for leaving her alone at that hospital... i should have been going there at least every fucking week. i fucking left her there to die and I will never forgive myself for it.

Rest in Peace Grandma... I'm sorry for not appreciating you when you were here. I'm sorry for not seeing you more often and I'm sorry that I spent time with other people when I should have spent time with you. Maybe if I had visited you more often and put more effort into trying to communicate with you, you would never have forgotten me. I'm sorry for every single day where I didn't think of you when you were alive... I'm making up for that now because I will think of you and apologize to you every single day for the rest of my life. I'm sorry that I'm too late.

damn it's been a while since i made a real public entry. I feel like i've been studying or doing school-related work non-stop since last weekend. in fact, im actually at school right now (yes on a saturday) trying to study for a test i have on wednesday. so im taking a quick break

anyway, im FINALLY in the process of filing for graduation =) spring 2010.. sounds soooo far. going through the process was actually kind of depressing. i had to go through all my old transcripts from high school and it made me sad looking at my grades from back then.. a few 4.0's and 3.8's.. never getting under 3.7 in any semester.. and the worst grade i ever got was a C+ in junior year in honors physics. *siiiiggghh*

and then my college transcripts are full of a few A's, lots of B's, some C's here and there, and one freakin D (damn you to hell government class!!). oh and a shitload of classes that i took for nothing because my dumbass couldnt decide on what i wanted to major in for a while

dammit.. why the hell am i getting stupider?! LOL.

i used to always wonder why im majoring in what im majoring in.. im not great in it and i dont get A's in every bio class.. but i realize now that i love it. i love applying it and i love learning about it. i love science. i may not excel in it but i am passionate about it because it's something i really want to dedicate my work-life to after im done with school. i want to contribute to something bigger than myself, whether i end up working in a forensics lab or research lab, i want to do something that contributes to the world, even if it's a small contribution.

anyway, quick rant before i get back to studying..
it really irritates the crap out of me when a student here (at sac state) acts as if they're high and mighty because they're "smart." It makes me want to say "as if it was that hard to get into this damn school.. you uc davis REJECT." i mean honestly, it really isnt that hard to get into this school.. and obviously, if you're so damn smart why are you here? why arent you at a damn UC then? We're all here for the same thing.. HIGHER EDUCATION.. so why do other people feel the need to treat others inferior to themselves? UGH

i need to find a new job before i get fired for punching people in the throat

It's National Stress Awareness Day. Show us something that calms you.

people never fail to disappoint.. there are no exceptions at all

damn, i should have brought my laptop with me to vjo

geez, March already?! next thing you know it'll be 2010

ANYWAY

I think season 3 of America's Best Dance Crew may be my fave season of them all. The 1st one will always be the best one but season 3 is my fave. Especially Quest Crew. they're freakin amazing!! and Dominic Sandoval is freakin HOT. i wish i discovered him when he was on So You Think You Can Dance. Hell, i wish i knew about him before he was famous and still in Roseville hahaha. DAMMIT!

And my favoritest Dominic Sandoval vid EVER!! Dom&Sabra dance to Make it Work by Ne-yo.. SO HOTT!!!

I'm home in vallejo on a friday night and i, like the stupid ass that i am, forgot my cellphone in sacramento. DAMMIT!

For my winter break, I've been reading a boatload of books. Not many people know this about me, in fact not many people would believe this about me but my favorite pastime in the world is to read a good book. I lovelovelove reading, but it's really hard for me to find a really good book so i usually buy books by the author or buy books other people recommend me. Anyway, so within the span of 2 weeks , I've gone through a few good books

The Host by Stephanie Meyer. yes, the infamous author of the Twilight series. It wasn't as intriguing as Twilight, but I thought it was pretty good. I'm not really into the whole alien thing but this one kept my attention most of the time. The ending could have been better tho, it was a tadbit confusing. I think there were some parts that almost made me cry. All in all, I thought her writing, context, and substance in this book was a little bit better than Twilight (not the story, but the way it was written), probably since Twilight was written more for the younger crowd and this book was written for the young adult crowd. I give it  7.5/10

Mr. Murder by Dean Koontz. it's one of his older books from the 90's. confusing as hell and the storyline was stupid. Don't ask why i wasted my time reading all the way through it because i dont even know the answer to that lol. Actually i think i found it lying around in my parents' garage and I didnt have any other books to read so I just stuck with it. I dont like starting a book and not finishing it. anyway, there was an ok twist at the end and since Koontz is one of my fave authors, this gets a 3.5/10

The Good Guy by Dean Koontz. much better than the latter book. Basically, bar guy gets mistaken for hitman, bar guy stops killing of pretty woman, bar guy and pretty woman end up running from a crazy ass serial killing hitman, with big twist at the end. Lots of action, suspense, craziness, and stress. 8/10

Skin by Ted Dekker. I'm not really sure how to explain what this book is about but let me just say that after I finished, this book became one of my fave psychological thrillers. the storyline is crazy and a tadbit confusing, but the twist at the end was the best. I actually stayed up really late while on vacation in Reno to finish reading it because it got that good. 9/10

One for the Money and Two for the Dough by Jane Evanovich. These books are the first two of Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series and I love it! It's funny, filled with action, a little suspense, and little racy romance. Most of the are New York Times Best Sellers and after reading just the first 2, i can see why. I'm so into this series that I plan to read the 3rd and 4th books tomorrow (well, im probably gonna start the 3rd one after i finish this post) and im hoping to get to the 5th and 6th by sunday. My sister actually has all the books in the series, thank gawd, so im just swapping the books as i finish. 10/10 =)

I think that sums up what i've been reading thus far. I'm pretty opened minded when it comes to subject/genre but my fave will always be horror fiction/thriller, and suspense. I'm trying to read as much as i can before spring semester starts because Lord knows I'm not gonna have time for anything once the school work starts piling up =/

Anyways, I'm sad to admit it but I think I'm over the whole Twilight hype now =( I still love me some Edward Cullen tho! But after it became a big ass trend and I started seeing Twilight/Edward-related shit in MySpace & Facebook statuses, I lost interest for some reason and it actually started annoying me a little bit.. Again, I still love the series and everything, I just dont think I'm 'in love' with it anymore LOL

okay, so it's been a while since i had a chance to update this thing.. almost a month actually. I've been meaning to post an update.

s0o let's see what i can remember.. I guess I'll start from after finals week ended.

Jon graduated and got his freakin BSN. So now all he has to do is take his board exam, which i think he'll be taking in February to get his license to be an RN. It's crazy how it feels like yesterday when we were still in high school and prepping for SATs lol. Unfortunately, his grandma passed away the day before his graduation so we didnt really feel like it was appropriate to celebrate. Stuff like that always happens to him for some reason. His grandpa passed away on his bday a few years ago, too.

For Christmas, I didnt really do anything big. Xmas eve we spent with my family. Stayed up till 12 (or tried at least) and opened presents. Xmas day i spent with Jon's family. Pretty much ate the whole day and opened presents before we left. The day after Xmas i went to a little get together with the homies. Xmas was pretty chill for me this year; nice and relaxing, and i cant imagine a better way to have spent it

For New Year's, Jon and I ended up staying in sac because we got too lazy to drive back to vallejo. So we stayed at home, made dinner (I made carne asada fries and he made taco salad with quesadillas), and watched Wall-E (loved it!!!). We ended up falling asleep at like 11:45 pm and woke up at freakin 12:05am! I pretty much woke up and said Happy New Year, love you and went back to sleep haha!

Just last week Jon and I spent 3 days in Tahoe and 3 days in Reno for our anniversary. Went snowboarding on hard ass snow since it was pretty sunny over there. Visited some of my cousins in Reno and went gambling a bit. I loved our freakin hotel. Grand Sierra Resort is the dopest hotel ever! Im thinking of planning another trip over there because they're having another winter discount with rates starting at $49 a night.

Now im at work and i forgot my freakin ipod =/ and i refuse to use the headphones here at work because im a germaphobe. dammit!

i seriously need to stop falling for these damn sales, especially clearances & 20% off bs..

i just spent around $140 on wetseal & victoria's secret shit online =P damn you boredom & insomnia!

on the bright side.. it was discounted.. and i DO need cute sweaters for mine & Jon's anniversary trip to tahoe in January

damndamndamn.. and im still checkin out all the in-store sales soon too

i finally have time to post!

this has been the busiest and hardest semester of my freakin life! finals week was horrid and i barely got any sleep. i had my microbio final on monday, i studied for it till 4:00 am and woke up at 5:30 am to look over my stuff one last time since it was at 8. Tuesday was my criminal justice final, which i kicked ass on. Wednesday i didnt have a final so i studied all day for my last two finals. Thursday i had my ecology final, which i think went okay. Friday I had my biochem final, that i probably totally bombed =/

The only official grade I've gotten is for criminal justice, which is an A, but most criminal justice classes are fairly easy for me anyway, so I didnt have to work too hard for it. The only class I'm really really worried about is microbio. i really dont wanna take that class over so im crossing my fingers for at least a C-. please please PLEASE!!

ANYWAY, in better news.. Jon graduated yesterday!! my man has finally finished nursing school and is on his way to bigger n better things! im so proud of him! it's weird tho.. it makes me feel so OLD =/ espeically when his dad is making marriage comments about us to our friends.. WEIRD! i cant believe how old we are, but how young i still feel.

i know it's taking me a while to finish school but i dont think it bothers me as much anymore.. especially if i have to get married after! yikes, i just wanna stay a kid forever!

OMG. Tonight's episode of Gossip Girl was by far one of the BEST episodes EVER! Ed Westwick did a great job, which I'm sure will be recognized with an award of some sort. i love how they went beyond giving Chuck & Blair substance and showed them at their most vulnerable points. I will definitely be buying the season 1 DVD set for it. I'm actually surprised I don't even have it yet. And most definitely season 2 right when it comes out.

Anyways, I am finally taking a breather from all the school madness these past few weeks. I had a lab practical/exam for microbio today, which i pulled an all-nighter for, and for once i am actually confident that i didn't fail it. I'm hesitant to say that I knew most of the stuff on there, but it felt like it... but i'm keeping my fingers crossed anyway because you never know.. but i will say that if i get less than a B on that damn thing, i will be very surprised.

Just a few more days, and most likely a few more all-nighters, the semester will be done with. YAY!